Hungry Hippo

Vicious Dog Attack (don’t worry its not!!)

Vicious Dog Pack kills Gator In Florida

At times nature can be cruel, but there is also a raw beauty, and even a certain justice manifested within that cruelty.
The alligator, one of the oldest and ultimate predators, normally considered the “apex predator” in it’s natural eco-system, can still fall victim to implemented ‘team work’ strategy, made possible due to the tight knit social structure and “survival of the fittest pack mentality”, bred into the canines over the last several hundreds of years by natural selection.

See the attached remarkable photograph courtesy of Nature Magazine below

Note that the Alpha dog has a muzzle hold on the gator preventing it from breathing, while the remainder of the pack prevents the beast from rolling.

Not for the squeamish!

Where does Poo come from?

A little girl walks in to the sitting room one Sunday morning while her Dad is reading the paper.

“Where does poo come from?” she asks.

The father feeling a little perturbed that his 5 year old daughter is already asking difficult questions thinks for a moment and says:

“Well you know we just ate breakfast?”

“Yes,” answers the girl.

“Well the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the good stuff, and then whatever is left over comes out of our bums when we go to the toilet, and that is poo.”

The little girl looks shocked, and stares, at him with watery eyes in stunned silence for a few seconds and asks:

“And Tigger?”

How to Make Women Happy

How to Make a Woman Happy It’s not difficult to make a woman happy.

  A man only needs to be:

             1. a friend

             2. a companion

             3. a lover

             4. a brother

             5. a father

             6. a master

             7. a chef

             8. an electrician

             9. a carpenter

             10. a plumber

             11. a mechanic

             12. a decorator

             13. a stylist

             14. a sexologist

             15. a gynocologist

             16. a psychologist

             17. a pest exterminator

             18. a psychiatrist

             19. a healer

             20. a good listener

             21. an organizer

             22. a good father

             23. very clean

             24. sympathetic

             25. athletic

             26. warm

             27. attentive

             28. gallant

             29. intelligent

             30. funny

             31. creative

             32. tender

             33. strong

             34. understanding

             35. tolerant

             36. prudent

             37. ambitious

             38. capable

             39. courageous

             40. determined

             41. true

             42. dependable

             43. passionate

             44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

          45. give her compliments regularly

          46. love shopping

          47. be honest

          48. be very rich

          49. not stress her out

          50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

            51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself

            52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself

            53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

           54. Never to forget:

              * birthdays

              * anniversaries

              * arrangements she makes

 HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

        1. Show up naked

        2. Bring food

Whale Humour

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship.

The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.

He said to the female whale, “lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink”.

They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.

Soon however, the whale realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of the shore.

The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female,
“let’s swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore.”

At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him.

Look,” she said, “I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen”

Boobie Dippindoodle – What’s Your Name?!

MY NEW NAME IS IN THE SUBJECT….. DON’T LAUGH UNTIL YOU FIND OUT WHAT YOUR NEW NAME IS …

We all need a little stress-reliever! This only takes a minute.

Please don’t be a bore and ruin it. Send it on to everyone you know including the person that sent it to you.

Sometimes when you have a stressful day or week, you need some silliness to break up the day. If we are honest, we have alot more stressful dayst than not.

Here is your dose of humor…

A. Follow the instructions to find your new name.

B. Once you have your new name, put it in the subject box and forward it to friends and family and co-workers.

Don’t forget to forward it back to the person who sent it to you, so they know you participated. And don’t go all adult – a senior manager is now known far and wide as Dorky Gizzardsniffer

The following is excerpted from a children’s book, Captain Underpants
And the Perilous Plot Professor Poopypants, by Dave Pilkey, in which the evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names…

1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your New first name:

a= snickle
b = doombah
c = goober
d = cheesey
e = crusty
f = greasy
g = dumbo
h = farcus
i = dorky
j = doofus
k = funky
l = boobie
m = sleezy
n = sloopy
o = fluffy
p = stinky
q = slimy
r = dorfus
s = snooty
t = tootsie
u = dipsy
v = sneezy
w = liver
x = skippy
y = dinky
z = zippy

2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:

a= dippin
b = feather
c = batty
d = burger
e = chicken
f = barffy
g = lizard
h = waffle
i = farkle
j = monkey
k = flippin
l = fricken
m = bubble
n = rhino
o = potty
p = hamster
q = buckle
r = gizzard
s = lickin
t = snickle
u = chuckle
v = pickle
w = hubble
x = dingle
y = gorilla
z = girdle

3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:

a= butt
b = boob
c = face
d = nose
e = hump
f = breath
g = pants
h = shorts
i = lips
j = honker
k = head
l = tush
m = chunks
n = dunkin
o = brains
p = biscuits
q = toes
r = doodle
s = fanny
t = sniffer
u = sprinkles
v = frack
w = squirt
x = humperdinck
y = hiney
z = juice

Thus, for example, George W. Bush’s new name is: Fluffy Chucklefanny.
Now when you PASS THIS ON…use your new name as the subject. And remember that children laugh an average of 146 times aday; adults laugh an average of 4 times a day. Put more laughter in your day.

Bad Parenting

Bad Oops Part 3

Little April at Sunday School

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.

Usually she slept through class.

One day the teacher tried to catch little April out to see if she was paying attention in class.

She called on her while she was napping.

Tell me, April, who created the universe?”

When April didn’t stir, Little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pen and jabbed her in the rear.

GOD ALMIGHTY!” shouted April and the teacher said, Very good,” and April fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked April, “Who is our lord and saviour?”

But April didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.
 
“JESUS CHRIST!” shouted April and the teacher said, “Very Good,”

And April fell back asleep.
 
Then the teacher asked April a third question.
“What did Eve say to Adam after she had had their twenty third child?”

And again Johnny jabbed her with the pen. This time April jumped up and shouted, IF YOU STICK THAT F###ING THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOU’RE A#SE!”

The teacher fainted!

Bad Oops Part 2